I've gone to the Darkside

you may have noticed my lack of posts (all three of you that have ever read these posts) but I have only moved to Myspace.

so come on over and see me some time!

http://blog.myspace.com/ubershauna

New spam

here is some new spam - but this is the best one in a while!

Result, example, sea, mountain said. Real map end stead. After
was when race, to observe. End it me final, same chair. Left
round step, bell. Then men yard name case stead. Practice, his
rope by, milk. Felt, against town know. War, flower tie town
experiment. Usual wind hill room color. Saw corner, family open,
end. Include nothing past but come. One lot first be round
follow.

I know I haven't been writing but I'm gearing up for SXSW and it looks like the busiest year yet. More updates to come!

BONANZA 5000!

I received 5 pieces of spam a few nights ago that deserve mention. I asked last time if someone has ever responded to these letters but I didn't bother to do any research. I still haven't bothered. But here was a new one to me, a true pyramid scheme to market the "Bonanza 5000." I love the legal disclaimer at the bottom, that's rich. enjoy!

My friends, this is really an opportunity that will make you super rich.
That is my opinion!

Simply reply to this message and include the postal address for me to send you the full information packet about Bonanza 5000. If you do not decide to join Bonanza 5000 immediately, keep the information in a safe place and read it often. You can check with me every now and then if you wish to see how I am doing.

I would really like to see you get involved asap. I know that it is not always easy to dish out the cost involved, but keep socking away those coins and come join me in this great opportunity asap.

Just remember, Robert Smith, the monitor, says he will place 6 people under you in your downline. That means you DO NO SPONSORING.

Anyone in networking knows that sponsoring is not really that easy. It is for the professionals and the average person has a tough time sponsoring.

BUT, keep it in mind that 6 people will be sponsored for you. When 6 people are sponsored for those 6, that means there will be 42 people under you.

Many of them will also sponsor on their own like I am doing. I have sponsored 4 people in 17 days. When that begins to happen your gifts of $25.00 money orders will start over flowing your mail box.

If you ever wanted to make it BIG in a networking opportunity, this is your opportunity.

HERE IS AN IDEA THAT WORKED FOR ME BEFORE I JOINED. If you think you will join in the very near future, why don't you do what I did? I sent the URL to the website below to prospects. They started sending me their postal addresses and I wrote them down in a spirial note book.

Then after you get a few addresses you may want to join Bonanza 5000 so you can receive your package of information with you in position #1 on the list so you can send a copy to the addresses you have received.

Some of them will join and you will start receiving gifts of $25.00 sooner and will recoup you original investment very quickly.

Here is the URL for the website or letter for Bonanza 5000 you can use if you want to do what I did before I joined. The letter does not have my name or email address in it so those you send it to will have to get in contact with you for more information.

You will email them and tell them you are waiting for your pack of information and as soon as you receive the pack, you will send them a copy. Don't worry your prospects won't run away. They will be there waiting for you to send them a pack.

It is simple and easy and it worked for me and it will work for you. Have your prospects lined up before you even become involved yourself. There is no way you can lose that way.

BUT, always remember, Robert Smith will sponsor 6 people for you. That is one KEY that will result in people joining, because they know they could make it if they could sponsor.

Using the idea above I have just presented to you of getting prospects lined up in advance PLUS getting 6 people sponsored for you is a great marriage and it will work for you.

I am a Christian and I am telling you the truth in what I have told you. I have to give an accounting for my actions before Jesus Christ some day and how nice it would be to know that because of what I have told you, you would act on this great opportunity so we can all prosper together.

The URL:
http://community.webtv.net/retlawtrauts/BONANZA5000

Start sending it to prospects today and start building a list of prospects for Bonanza 5000, your opportunity that is going to make you very wealthy.

Jim Johnson

_______________________________________
This message is sent in compliance with the new email
Bill HR 1910. Under Bill HR 1910 passed by the 106th
US Congress on May 24, 1999, this message cannot be
considered Spam as long as we include a way to be
removed. Per Section HR 1910, Please send your request
for removal to "redlake@hotpop.com", and type "REMOVE"
in the subject line. All removal requests are handled
personally and immediately when received.

This message has been sent with an unregistered
copy of HotCast Mass E-Mailer.
< <> >

so the email itself is allowed by the Federal Government and the message content is endorsed by Jesus and one of his followers. how can you go wrong?! especially when the program our good buddy, Jim Johnson, used to send this email "HotCast" is distributed from a company called "Legitima Software". whoot!

new African development bank

does anyone actually do this? I know I've asked the question before, but I get so many of these emails, I can only guess that some people actually fall for this scam.

From:
Mr. Eric Adologo
Foriegn Remittance Department Manager
African development bank
Cotonou, Republic of Benin.
West Africa.

How Are You ?

I am Mr.Eric Adologo the trustee and financial manager to late Mr.Aziz Mustafa.
I am also the present Foriegn Remittance Department Manager of African development bank , Cotonou branch,Republic of Benin.

I have an urgent and very confidential business proposition for you as a result of what I presently have at hand.On 25th December 2003, Mr.Aziz Mustafa, a Lebanese investor in Cotonou , Republic of Benin was among the plane crash victims of Boeing 727-type, Air plane of African Transport Union (UTA) crashed on 25th December 2003 at the Fidjrosse beach Cotonou Republic of Benin. 110 persons died, the Beirut-bound flight victims are mostly Lebanese nationals and few westerners. Over 40 others still reported missing as at then, while 22 passengers survived.

Shortly after his death , his relatives arrived Cotonou Republic of Benin and I handed over every of his other accounts information within African development bank ascept this very account file I withheld to divert the sum.

I seek your consent to present you as Next of kin to the deceased so that the sidetracked Account valued at 15.5 Million Euro (Fifteen Million Five Hundred Thousand Euro) of late Mr. Aziz Mustafa could be remitted to your account as his Next of Kin, and then we can share the amount on a mutually agreed percentage.

All I require from you is your honest co-operation and trust to enable us see this transaction through. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. To enable us discuss further about this transaction, do contact me.

I await your urgent response through this my private Email :
ericako30@hotmail.com
or my private phone number 00229-47.34.90

With best regards,

Mr. Eric Adologo.

I know someone must have responded for academic reasons, so if you have a link to an article, please post a comment.

I love Metafilter

I know they get some of their links from other blogs but I think MeFi is the best blog going. whenever I need a laugh, I just hit MeFi and I always find a gem. this next piece was from someone's response to a post about Animal Dildos. the writer thought Molatar would get a kick out of the Dragon Dildo. So of course I had to check out this site.

this guy thinks he is a Dragon. He also thinks he can change shape at will thru the power of Christian prayer. ok. this is from his "P-Shift" page that goes thru very detailed steps to achieve a 'p-shift' of your own.

In case you DO shift your shape, you will have expenses to pay for. You should be saving money RIGHT NOW in a mutual fund.

You will need money for tailored clothes, alterations to your vehicle (because humans designed the seats for tailless bottoms), a good veterinarian (this is not a joke, I'm serious, GOOD vets cost ALOT), a lawyer to protect you from humans who hate the sight of you, new ID cards (driver's license, health cards, that sort of thing), change of name documentation, and other mundane but necessary things like dog toothpaste (because human toothpaste has detergents that cause animals to froth at the mouth), pin brushes, pet nail clippers, medieval swords, that kind of thing.

Another thing concern is this mythical army that wants to capture and dissect P-shifters for weapons experimentation (insert raucous sarcastic laughter here). But just in case its true, you'd be best to save up extra funds for a defensible hideout in the wilderness (rocky hills and swamps are best, don't get waterfront because its too expensive), a year's supply of canned goods, and plenty of ammo. If you get a nice rugged piece of land, call me and I can suggest some fortifications to build.

there is some facinating stuff on this guy's site. I'm especially fond of the FAQ section that talks about going into "A berserk state is a mental condition where a person feels exhilarated, excited, confident, and powerful to the extreme." I hope this guy never attacks someone in real life, because this website is enough to lock him up in a padded room. check this out:

Entering a berserk state is not easy. The easiest and safest way would be to take a walk down a lonely trail in a city park. I prefer city parks because there is a chance of seeing criminals and thus I can get more easily frightened. Country trails have the advantage of greater privacy, connection with nature, and deadly black bears. Walk slowly and take in whatever scenery the moon reveals. Imagine all the wild beasts lurking in the darkness just beyond the bushes. Imagine who might walk past you when you turn that corner. Imagine what spirits may be accompanying you down the trail. Once you are sufficiently creeped out, dart in a straight line into the woods. Don't make a mental map. Feeling lost adds to the atmosphere. But don't go in too far because you want to be able to find your way back. Now that you are in the deep woods, stop where you are and take in the scenery again. Your heart is racing. When you get the impulse, suddenly start praying for a shape-shift. Imagine that there is nothing stopping you from receiving a shift. Allow your body to take on whatever postures you allow it. You'll now find yourself 'transforming' into the animal you wish to be. The reason you need absolute privacy is both to avoid distraction and to protect other people, just in case you are the type of person who freaks out during shifts. Heed this warning: If you are the sort of person who can't control a berserk state, don't try this. Also, dress appropriately and equip yourself for the journey, in case you DO become lost. Try not to enter ruined structures in case they collapse. Oh, and one other thing: Avoid haunted areas for going berserk in. Ghosts are very real and like their privacy.

not only does Molatar look out for ghosts, he also looks out for you! if you would like to keep the demonic forces away from you and your family, you sould heed the following:

And while you're at it, if you have any souvenirs from other countries that pertain to pagan cultures (idols, Buddha statues, pieces of old temples, paraphernalia used in pagan worship, Geisha girls, Hawaiian leis, T-shirts depicting dragons, etc), get rid of them too. As long as you have such things in your house, they will be a center of demonic power in your home.

I don't know about you, but this is the first I've heard that Hawaiian leis could become the 'centers of demonic power.' I've got to get back to reading the truth on his site. Enjoy!

you did not see to listen

well, now the Nigerian Federal Ministry of Finance feels sorry for me. How lovely. and such a timely letter talking about the year of 2003. take a look at this piece of crap...spam...piece of spam.

Attn: Sir,

It is quit unfortunate that year 2003 had passed without your dream being accomplished. Note that I vehemently wrote more than three mails to you as regards a good measure for your contract payment but you did not see to listen to me.

I wish to inform you once more that I am ever willing to assist you get your contract payment without you sending any money here. Note that I will handle every charge here but you must give me a promissory note stating your willingness to give me a reasonable amount of money from your contract payment immediately you get the payment.

You should try and get back to me as soon as possible for more details. The new development will only last for one week.

Regards from,

Mrs. Victoria Okorie
(Deputy Director for payment Federal Ministry of finance Nigeria)

so that's nice to know. I'll be sure to send ol' Vicky an X-mas card with my promissory note! here is another bit of spam wisdom:

salubrious wilt altitude congressman doorbell pease sting coincidental indira vitro dispersion attendant bacchus adverbial hangover ogress condominium anisotropy cherub dive crone steamy michelin sec badge arcana pretense oligopoly belshazzar bullfinch buddha

alternate dream universe?

I had a really strange dream last night. It’s the second time I’ve had an ultra realistic dream about Chad and drugs. He’s much more open about his business in that world and he lives in a bad neighborhood without kids there. We are closer as friends there and I talk to him all the time – I may even have a key to his apartment there. I was out and about and leaving a party earlier that the rest of my friends, and I overheard a conversation at the convenience store about the cops planning to bust a bunch of petty users. They were going to Chad’s neighborhood so I decided to go and warn him but he had just had a crazy party and there were a few chicks still passed out there. I saw someone getting busted just a block away from his house so I was kinda upset that he didn’t take me more seriously, but he is Teflon after all. I figured one of the busts would rat him out. I tried to hide some paraphernalia the best I could and I covered the chicks and locked the door but I left with a heavy heart. I was worried about him and his safety but I was too smart to stay there and get busted myself. There were cops outside in his apartment parking lot when I left so I knew I was smart to have gone when I did. I really do love Chad in this world and that, and I think it’s funny that he’s almost exactly the same in both places.

There was also a whole segment of my dream that involved going to a ‘brothel’ with a super hot guy with the intention of filming part of an adult film. (He may have been based on Nick Manning) This would have been a few hours after I left Chad’s house, since the sun was coming up when I left his apartment. I’m much thinner there and I still date and party with several guys. The man I was with drove me to this place and I clearly knew him pretty well but I’d never been with him that way. It was very exciting and new. It made me want to giggle and scream and jump him all at the same time. We were in a sunken lounge type area that was full of jewel-toned pillows and candles and I think he even lit some incense while I changed clothes. There were a few other couples that entered the building with us (it was early in the afternoon) and each couple went to a different room. Apparently we were all supposed to start at the same time and I woke up before anything commenced. Too bad I woke up – he was hot.

Sometimes I think there really is an alternate universe that I inhabit because the town and its attributes remain relatively the same. It’s unlike Austin Texas but it progresses thru time at the same pace. The same streets and buildings, the same people and friends (many of whom have no counterpart here in the real world), the same dramas (I don’t usually drive there either – but I do sometimes!), and oddly, I have a slightly different personality there. I even beat people up and steal cars there, sometimes in a secret but official capacity. (I get the impression that I am working for the dark side on a for-hire basis) My friends there sometimes chide me about being away for so long or they’ll accuse me of being distant when I’m probably here in the real world. Seriously, some mornings I get confused because that world seems just as real. I even went to my old high school with a friend and I knew where my locker used to be and I mentioned that they had painted and changed the floors. It felt truly nostalgic, and I’ve been to that same school several times in the last 10 years in my dreams. Weird.

Once, I had a long conversation with an old friend there and he was professing his deep love for me and wondering if we would ever be together that way. I certainly loved him back and I was torn between wanting to be with him as a boyfriend and trying to preserve our special friendship. I knew it would crush him if I said I didn’t want him that way but I so treasured our relationship that I knew it would be marred either way. I woke up and started crying. I felt elated and crushed all day. I picked up the dream almost where it left off the next night and we agreed to take it slow but he took it badly and I haven’t seen him in awhile now.

back in the spam trailer bid'ness!

note the use of punctuation.

american everywhere silent shoulder certainly change above" last heart lightning glad" love appearance hurt rain art angry paid journal" gentle order on hospital shes awful, now quietly close lying exclaimed regular imagine consequence neither, heart reached ears over otherwise just north taught pardon committee, glad sign monday speak. farther ears whos hard relative party sincerely pride air, pity earlier prairie wall conscious form sister"

now that is some deep shit.


Can I just add my two cents about "The Incredibles"? IT ROCKS! there are some laugh out loud moments and I loved that the dad, Bob, worked as an insurance claims adjuster. Not only because I work for the Department Of Insurance, but because Mr. Incredible left the 'Super' business because of a civil liability lawsuit. that's rich. seriously, I actually think "Finding Nemo" was better, but this was better than "Toy Story 2." Pixar is so money.

life sux

I am having the worst stretch of bad luck. I know I should count myself lucky to be living in the greatest country on earth (although it is clearly full of religious rednecks and stupid bigots) with a stable job and a strong mind, but sometimes it just sucks to be me.

I applied for a job in my department that would have paid more and gotten me off these support phones – I didn’t get it but I was in the top three. That’s the third job I’ve not gotten in this department so I don’t think I’ll ever apply for another job here. It’s depressing to think that "You’re good enough to slog away in our trenches for four years, but you’re not good enough to hobnob with the fancy pants and make any money. Oh, but keep doing all of this extra work for free, Thank You."

Harry Knowles has a 24 hour film festival for his birthday every year, the Butt-Numb-A-Thon, and you have to jump thru hoops to get in. He always has fantastic guests, sneak previews, movie swag and surprises during BNAT, so I hate to miss attending this event. The first year he held this fest was almost a ‘friends and family’ thing that sold out but wasn’t well known. Vin Diesel brought “Pitch Black” before anyone ever heard of him, so I knew I had to be at the next one. For BNAT2 I stood in line for an hour and I was maybe the 20th person in line, but since he had not capped the number of tickets per person, I was put on stand-by and eventually got in to the event with great seats. The next year, BNAT3, I waited in line for 8 hours and was maybe #120 on the waiting list so I didn’t get a ticket. For BNAT4 we had to attend a 15 hour horror film festival in costume and then we were granted tickets by lottery. We were standing in a misty rain on a muddy field half drunk, exhausted and in costume as the sun rose, franticly praying that our number would be called – we got in. I say we, because by this time I had convinced Tami to attend with me. BNAT5 required that we send in photos and a brief resume that were put together yearbook style and printed out for the attendees – we got in and even went to a kick-ass pre-party. We thought we were golden this year. Tami, Jill (I’d converted her and Trevor and Julian by now) and I worked a huge “Camp Hacknslash” event that Harry put on with Tim & Karrie and we thought that was the clincher. I was even thinking of losing some weight just to be more comfortable in the seat! I put together another great entry (he wanted to do the yearbook again) and we were rejected. Granted, Harry had @9800 people apply for 240 seats, so a lot of us were rejected, but this one hurt. I actively recruited friends and told them how great it was and how they would be sorry if they missed it, blah blah blah. And now we don’t get to go. No one cares as much as I do, I almost cried at work the next day. I’ve missed so many great Alamo events this year and this is the granddaddy of them all, so I was counting on this one. Now I want to cry again.

I have nothing new or original to say about the election. We had a group of maybe 25 people out at the Jackalope to watch the returns, and we stayed there until 2:45 am. I don’t think I really expected to see Kerry win, I figured Bush would steal it even if he lost the popular vote. I don’t really think Kerry could have done much with a Republican Congress, so it’s not like I believed his promises either. And I live in Texas, the biggest boldest central red thing going in the lower 48. The thing that disappoints and saddens me is the fact that this bumbling, lying, born-again, redneck is actually the popular choice! He’s like your cheating alcoholic boyfriend that steals money from your purse and when you catch him lying about it, he giggles and says something stupid. This is who most people actually choose to represent them?!? This is the figurehead of our nation?!? Well, if the populous is naive enough to re-elect this piece of work, then I guess he’s the perfect face of our nation. How embarrassing. I guess Schwarzenegger should be President. He’s closer to the middle than Bush. At least he can speak English as well as George.

The last three weekends in a row I’ve spent in my computer chair watching TV and surfing the net. I’ve not left the house for anything. not to take out the trash or check the mail, not to eat lunch out or see a movie, no nothing. I didn’t even try to think of a Halloween costume and that is traditionally my favorite holiday! I was invited to several parties and Chad’s band even played on Saturday night, so I would have had plenty of Lake Jackson friends there. Matt & Jennie were even in town, but I haven’t even listened to the message they left on my phone last Saturday. I still owe them $40 so I hope they don’t think I was just avoiding them. I missed Stacy’s birthday and Mecca’s bon voyage too. Why? Too fat, too lazy and too sad to leave the house.

I don’t even know why I get out of be some mornings, so I just call in sick to work. My house is a mess, I’ve gained 20 pounds, I keep showing up to work late even though I leave almost on time but I stay as late as 7:30 sometimes by myself, my clothes are getting ratty and I’m too fat to find any clothes, I’m trying to buy a house so I’m saving money and not going out (so I spend a lot more time alone in the dark in my underwear), I’ve missed every Alamo Rolling Roadshow this summer, the last guy I loved has hooked up with a great girl, I’ve had a mystery rash for 6 weeks that I just don’t bother to see a doctor about, I’m so depressed that I haven’t answered my phone for 7 days, my hair is thinning, my wallet & purse & shoes are all about to break any second, I never made it to Vegas this year (I’ve never been and I swore this was the year), I drink every day and now my first pet fish is dying.

This list makes me even sadder. It’s so pathetic. These things are so minor compared to people that really have problems, but I’m no less depressed. I wear my “Livestrong” bracelet every day (I have one hanging from my work ID too, so sometimes I’m wearing two!), and I know that there are people close to me that suffer terrible physical pain every day. I have food, shelter, family and friends, and I live downtown in a great city. I guess this is just the beginning of my holiday malaise.

We Can’t Make It Here

If you have never heard anything by James McMurtry (His dad wrote Lonesome Dove) then I suggest you check him out right away. He's an Austin musician that I've had the pleasure of seeing several times and he does not disappoint.

He has a new song out and here is what he says about it:

"I see so much out there that I don't hear songs being written about, except by Steve Earle," he says. "This is the first political rant I've done. I wrote it really fast and hopefully it doesn't preach too much. But if it gets one more person to the polls, I'll consider it a success."

I've heard this song several times in the last week or so, and besides sounding great, the message is sad to hear during an election year. Not that it isn't sad all of the time, but it seems especially depressing right now. I hope you plan on voting in this momentous election, and may God have mercy on our souls.

"We Can't Make It Here"

Vietnam Vet with a cardboard sign
Sitting there by the left turn line
Flag on the wheelchair flapping in the breeze
One leg missing, both hands free
No one's paying much mind to him
The V.A. budget's stretched so thin
And there's more comin' home from the Mideast war
We can't make it here anymore

That big ol' building was the textile mill
It fed our kids and it paid our bills
But they turned us out and they closed the doors
We can't make it here anymore

See all those pallets piled up on the loading dock
They're just gonna set there till they rot
'Cause there's nothing to ship, nothing to pack
Just busted concrete and rusted tracks
Empty storefronts around the square
There's a needle in the gutter and glass everywhere
You don't come down here 'less you're looking to score
We can't make it here anymore

The bar's still open but man it's slow
The tip jar's light and the register's low
The bartender don't have much to say
The regular crowd gets thinner each day

Some have maxed out all their credit cards
Some are workin' two jobs and livin' in cars
Minimum wage won't pay for a roof, won't pay for a drink
If you gotta have proof just try it yourself Mr. CEO
See how far $5.15 an hour will go
Take a part time job at one of your stores
Bet you can't make it here anymore

High school girl with a bourgeois dream
Just like the pictures in the magazine
She found on the floor of the laundromat
A woman with kids can forget all that
If she comes up pregnant what'll she do
Forget the career, forget about school
Can she live on faith? Live on hope?
High on Jesus or hooked on dope
When it's way too late to just say no
You can't make it here anymore

Now I'm stocking shirts in the Wal-Mart store
Just like the ones we made before
'Cept this one came from Singapore
I guess we can't make it here anymore

Should I hate a people for the shade of their skin
Or the shape of their eyes or the shape I'm in
Should I hate 'em for having our jobs today
No I hate the men sent the jobs away
I can see them all now, they haunt my dreams
All lily white and squeaky clean
They've never known want, they'll never know need
Their shit don't stink and their kids won't bleed
Their kids won't bleed in the damn little war
And we can't make it here anymore

Will work for food
Will die for oil
Will kill for power and to us the spoils
The billionaires get to pay less tax
The working poor get to fall through the cracks
Let 'em eat jellybeans let 'em eat cake
Let 'em eat shit, whatever it takes
They can join the Air Force, or join the Corps
If they can't make it here anymore

And that's how it is
That's what we got
If the president wants to admit it or not
You can read it in the paper
Read it on the wall
Hear it on the wind
If you're listening at all
Get out of that limo
Look us in the eye
Call us on the cell phone
Tell us all why

In Dayton, Ohio
Or Portland, Maine
Or a cotton gin out on the great high plains
That's done closed down along with the school
And the hospital and the swimming pool
Dust devils dance in the noonday heat
There's rats in the alley
And trash in the street
Gang graffiti on a boxcar door
We can't make it here anymore

Music and lyrics © 2004 by James McMurtry