UberShauna

I've gone to the Darkside

2005-07-24T08:19:00.000-05:00

you may have noticed my lack of posts (all three of you that have ever read these posts) but I have only moved to Myspace.

so come on over and see me some time!

http://blog.myspace.com/ubershauna

New spam

2005-03-03T08:14:00.000-06:00

here is some new spam - but this is the best one in a while!

Result, example, sea, mountain said. Real map end stead. After
was when race, to observe. End it me final, same chair. Left
round step, bell. Then men yard name case stead. Practice, his
rope by, milk. Felt, against town know. War, flower tie town
experiment. Usual wind hill room color. Saw corner, family open,
end. Include nothing past but come. One lot first be round
follow.

I know I haven't been writing but I'm gearing up for SXSW and it looks like the busiest year yet. More updates to come!

BONANZA 5000!

2004-12-13T21:33:00.000-06:00

I received 5 pieces of spam a few nights ago that deserve mention. I asked last time if someone has ever responded to these letters but I didn't bother to do any research. I still haven't bothered. But here was a new one to me, a true pyramid scheme to market the "Bonanza 5000." I love the legal disclaimer at the bottom, that's rich. enjoy!

My friends, this is really an opportunity that will make you super rich.
That is my opinion!

Simply reply to this message and include the postal address for me to send you the full information packet about Bonanza 5000. If you do not decide to join Bonanza 5000 immediately, keep the information in a safe place and read it often. You can check with me every now and then if you wish to see how I am doing.

I would really like to see you get involved asap. I know that it is not always easy to dish out the cost involved, but keep socking away those coins and come join me in this great opportunity asap.

Just remember, Robert Smith, the monitor, says he will place 6 people under you in your downline. That means you DO NO SPONSORING.

Anyone in networking knows that sponsoring is not really that easy. It is for the professionals and the average person has a tough time sponsoring.

BUT, keep it in mind that 6 people will be sponsored for you. When 6 people are sponsored for those 6, that means there will be 42 people under you.

Many of them will also sponsor on their own like I am doing. I have sponsored 4 people in 17 days. When that begins to happen your gifts of $25.00 money orders will start over flowing your mail box.

If you ever wanted to make it BIG in a networking opportunity, this is your opportunity.

HERE IS AN IDEA THAT WORKED FOR ME BEFORE I JOINED. If you think you will join in the very near future, why don't you do what I did? I sent the URL to the website below to prospects. They started sending me their postal addresses and I wrote them down in a spirial note book.

Then after you get a few addresses you may want to join Bonanza 5000 so you can receive your package of information with you in position #1 on the list so you can send a copy to the addresses you have received.

Some of them will join and you will start receiving gifts of $25.00 sooner and will recoup you original investment very quickly.

Here is the URL for the website or letter for Bonanza 5000 you can use if you want to do what I did before I joined. The letter does not have my name or email address in it so those you send it to will have to get in contact with you for more information.

You will email them and tell them you are waiting for your pack of information and as soon as you receive the pack, you will send them a copy. Don't worry your prospects won't run away. They will be there waiting for you to send them a pack.

It is simple and easy and it worked for me and it will work for you. Have your prospects lined up before you even become involved yourself. There is no way you can lose that way.

BUT, always remember, Robert Smith will sponsor 6 people for you. That is one KEY that will result in people joining, because they know they could make it if they could sponsor.

Using the idea above I have just presented to you of getting prospects lined up in advance PLUS getting 6 people sponsored for you is a great marriage and it will work for you.

I am a Christian and I am telling you the truth in what I have told you. I have to give an accounting for my actions before Jesus Christ some day and how nice it would be to know that because of what I have told you, you would act on this great opportunity so we can all prosper together.

The URL:
http://community.webtv.net/retlawtrauts/BONANZA5000

Start sending it to prospects today and start building a list of prospects for Bonanza 5000, your opportunity that is going to make you very wealthy.

Jim Johnson

_______________________________________
This message is sent in compliance with the new email
Bill HR 1910. Under Bill HR 1910 passed by the 106th
US Congress on May 24, 1999, this message cannot be
considered Spam as long as we include a way to be
removed. Per Section HR 1910, Please send your request
for removal to "redlake@hotpop.com", and type "REMOVE"
in the subject line. All removal requests are handled
personally and immediately when received.

This message has been sent with an unregistered
copy of HotCast Mass E-Mailer.
< <> >

so the email itself is allowed by the Federal Government and the message content is endorsed by Jesus and one of his followers. how can you go wrong?! especially when the program our good buddy, Jim Johnson, used to send this email "HotCast" is distributed from a company called "Legitima Software". whoot!

new African development bank

2004-11-28T22:30:00.000-06:00

does anyone actually do this? I know I've asked the question before, but I get so many of these emails, I can only guess that some people actually fall for this scam.

From:
Mr. Eric Adologo
Foriegn Remittance Department Manager
African development bank
Cotonou, Republic of Benin.
West Africa.

How Are You ?

I am Mr.Eric Adologo the trustee and financial manager to late Mr.Aziz Mustafa.
I am also the present Foriegn Remittance Department Manager of African development bank , Cotonou branch,Republic of Benin.

I have an urgent and very confidential business proposition for you as a result of what I presently have at hand.On 25th December 2003, Mr.Aziz Mustafa, a Lebanese investor in Cotonou , Republic of Benin was among the plane crash victims of Boeing 727-type, Air plane of African Transport Union (UTA) crashed on 25th December 2003 at the Fidjrosse beach Cotonou Republic of Benin. 110 persons died, the Beirut-bound flight victims are mostly Lebanese nationals and few westerners. Over 40 others still reported missing as at then, while 22 passengers survived.

Shortly after his death , his relatives arrived Cotonou Republic of Benin and I handed over every of his other accounts information within African development bank ascept this very account file I withheld to divert the sum.

I seek your consent to present you as Next of kin to the deceased so that the sidetracked Account valued at 15.5 Million Euro (Fifteen Million Five Hundred Thousand Euro) of late Mr. Aziz Mustafa could be remitted to your account as his Next of Kin, and then we can share the amount on a mutually agreed percentage.

All I require from you is your honest co-operation and trust to enable us see this transaction through. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. To enable us discuss further about this transaction, do contact me.

I await your urgent response through this my private Email :
ericako30@hotmail.com
or my private phone number 00229-47.34.90

With best regards,

Mr. Eric Adologo.

I know someone must have responded for academic reasons, so if you have a link to an article, please post a comment.

I love Metafilter

2004-11-21T11:57:00.000-06:00

I know they get some of their links from other blogs but I think MeFi is the best blog going. whenever I need a laugh, I just hit MeFi and I always find a gem. this next piece was from someone's response to a post about Animal Dildos. the writer thought Molatar would get a kick out of the Dragon Dildo. So of course I had to check out this site.

this guy thinks he is a Dragon. He also thinks he can change shape at will thru the power of Christian prayer. ok. this is from his "P-Shift" page that goes thru very detailed steps to achieve a 'p-shift' of your own.

In case you DO shift your shape, you will have expenses to pay for. You should be saving money RIGHT NOW in a mutual fund.

You will need money for tailored clothes, alterations to your vehicle (because humans designed the seats for tailless bottoms), a good veterinarian (this is not a joke, I'm serious, GOOD vets cost ALOT), a lawyer to protect you from humans who hate the sight of you, new ID cards (driver's license, health cards, that sort of thing), change of name documentation, and other mundane but necessary things like dog toothpaste (because human toothpaste has detergents that cause animals to froth at the mouth), pin brushes, pet nail clippers, medieval swords, that kind of thing.

Another thing concern is this mythical army that wants to capture and dissect P-shifters for weapons experimentation (insert raucous sarcastic laughter here). But just in case its true, you'd be best to save up extra funds for a defensible hideout in the wilderness (rocky hills and swamps are best, don't get waterfront because its too expensive), a year's supply of canned goods, and plenty of ammo. If you get a nice rugged piece of land, call me and I can suggest some fortifications to build.

there is some facinating stuff on this guy's site. I'm especially fond of the FAQ section that talks about going into "A berserk state is a mental condition where a person feels exhilarated, excited, confident, and powerful to the extreme." I hope this guy never attacks someone in real life, because this website is enough to lock him up in a padded room. check this out:

Entering a berserk state is not easy. The easiest and safest way would be to take a walk down a lonely trail in a city park. I prefer city parks because there is a chance of seeing criminals and thus I can get more easily frightened. Country trails have the advantage of greater privacy, connection with nature, and deadly black bears. Walk slowly and take in whatever scenery the moon reveals. Imagine all the wild beasts lurking in the darkness just beyond the bushes. Imagine who might walk past you when you turn that corner. Imagine what spirits may be accompanying you down the trail. Once you are sufficiently creeped out, dart in a straight line into the woods. Don't make a mental map. Feeling lost adds to the atmosphere. But don't go in too far because you want to be able to find your way back. Now that you are in the deep woods, stop where you are and take in the scenery again. Your heart is racing. When you get the impulse, suddenly start praying for a shape-shift. Imagine that there is nothing stopping you from receiving a shift. Allow your body to take on whatever postures you allow it. You'll now find yourself 'transforming' into the animal you wish to be. The reason you need absolute privacy is both to avoid distraction and to protect other people, just in case you are the type of person who freaks out during shifts. Heed this warning: If you are the sort of person who can't control a berserk state, don't try this. Also, dress appropriately and equip yourself for the journey, in case you DO become lost. Try not to enter ruined structures in case they collapse. Oh, and one other thing: Avoid haunted areas for going berserk in. Ghosts are very real and like their privacy.

not only does Molatar look out for ghosts, he also looks out for you! if you would like to keep the demonic forces away from you and your family, you sould heed the following:

And while you're at it, if you have any souvenirs from other countries that pertain to pagan cultures (idols, Buddha statues, pieces of old temples, paraphernalia used in pagan worship, Geisha girls, Hawaiian leis, T-shirts depicting dragons, etc), get rid of them too. As long as you have such things in your house, they will be a center of demonic power in your home.

I don't know about you, but this is the first I've heard that Hawaiian leis could become the 'centers of demonic power.' I've got to get back to reading the truth on his site. Enjoy!

you did not see to listen

2004-11-19T17:36:00.000-06:00

well, now the Nigerian Federal Ministry of Finance feels sorry for me. How lovely. and such a timely letter talking about the year of 2003. take a look at this piece of crap...spam...piece of spam.

Attn: Sir,

It is quit unfortunate that year 2003 had passed without your dream being accomplished. Note that I vehemently wrote more than three mails to you as regards a good measure for your contract payment but you did not see to listen to me.

I wish to inform you once more that I am ever willing to assist you get your contract payment without you sending any money here. Note that I will handle every charge here but you must give me a promissory note stating your willingness to give me a reasonable amount of money from your contract payment immediately you get the payment.

You should try and get back to me as soon as possible for more details. The new development will only last for one week.

Regards from,

Mrs. Victoria Okorie
(Deputy Director for payment Federal Ministry of finance Nigeria)

so that's nice to know. I'll be sure to send ol' Vicky an X-mas card with my promissory note! here is another bit of spam wisdom:

salubrious wilt altitude congressman doorbell pease sting coincidental indira vitro dispersion attendant bacchus adverbial hangover ogress condominium anisotropy cherub dive crone steamy michelin sec badge arcana pretense oligopoly belshazzar bullfinch buddha

alternate dream universe?

2004-11-15T10:01:00.000-06:00

I had a really strange dream last night. It’s the second time I’ve had an ultra realistic dream about Chad and drugs. He’s much more open about his business in that world and he lives in a bad neighborhood without kids there. We are closer as friends there and I talk to him all the time – I may even have a key to his apartment there. I was out and about and leaving a party earlier that the rest of my friends, and I overheard a conversation at the convenience store about the cops planning to bust a bunch of petty users. They were going to Chad’s neighborhood so I decided to go and warn him but he had just had a crazy party and there were a few chicks still passed out there. I saw someone getting busted just a block away from his house so I was kinda upset that he didn’t take me more seriously, but he is Teflon after all. I figured one of the busts would rat him out. I tried to hide some paraphernalia the best I could and I covered the chicks and locked the door but I left with a heavy heart. I was worried about him and his safety but I was too smart to stay there and get busted myself. There were cops outside in his apartment parking lot when I left so I knew I was smart to have gone when I did. I really do love Chad in this world and that, and I think it’s funny that he’s almost exactly the same in both places.

There was also a whole segment of my dream that involved going to a ‘brothel’ with a super hot guy with the intention of filming part of an adult film. (He may have been based on Nick Manning) This would have been a few hours after I left Chad’s house, since the sun was coming up when I left his apartment. I’m much thinner there and I still date and party with several guys. The man I was with drove me to this place and I clearly knew him pretty well but I’d never been with him that way. It was very exciting and new. It made me want to giggle and scream and jump him all at the same time. We were in a sunken lounge type area that was full of jewel-toned pillows and candles and I think he even lit some incense while I changed clothes. There were a few other couples that entered the building with us (it was early in the afternoon) and each couple went to a different room. Apparently we were all supposed to start at the same time and I woke up before anything commenced. Too bad I woke up – he was hot.

Sometimes I think there really is an alternate universe that I inhabit because the town and its attributes remain relatively the same. It’s unlike Austin Texas but it progresses thru time at the same pace. The same streets and buildings, the same people and friends (many of whom have no counterpart here in the real world), the same dramas (I don’t usually drive there either – but I do sometimes!), and oddly, I have a slightly different personality there. I even beat people up and steal cars there, sometimes in a secret but official capacity. (I get the impression that I am working for the dark side on a for-hire basis) My friends there sometimes chide me about being away for so long or they’ll accuse me of being distant when I’m probably here in the real world. Seriously, some mornings I get confused because that world seems just as real. I even went to my old high school with a friend and I knew where my locker used to be and I mentioned that they had painted and changed the floors. It felt truly nostalgic, and I’ve been to that same school several times in the last 10 years in my dreams. Weird.

Once, I had a long conversation with an old friend there and he was professing his deep love for me and wondering if we would ever be together that way. I certainly loved him back and I was torn between wanting to be with him as a boyfriend and trying to preserve our special friendship. I knew it would crush him if I said I didn’t want him that way but I so treasured our relationship that I knew it would be marred either way. I woke up and started crying. I felt elated and crushed all day. I picked up the dream almost where it left off the next night and we agreed to take it slow but he took it badly and I haven’t seen him in awhile now.

back in the spam trailer bid'ness!

2004-11-07T22:05:00.000-06:00

note the use of punctuation.

american everywhere silent shoulder certainly change above" last heart lightning glad" love appearance hurt rain art angry paid journal" gentle order on hospital shes awful, now quietly close lying exclaimed regular imagine consequence neither, heart reached ears over otherwise just north taught pardon committee, glad sign monday speak. farther ears whos hard relative party sincerely pride air, pity earlier prairie wall conscious form sister"

now that is some deep shit.

Can I just add my two cents about "The Incredibles"? IT ROCKS! there are some laugh out loud moments and I loved that the dad, Bob, worked as an insurance claims adjuster. Not only because I work for the Department Of Insurance, but because Mr. Incredible left the 'Super' business because of a civil liability lawsuit. that's rich. seriously, I actually think "Finding Nemo" was better, but this was better than "Toy Story 2." Pixar is so money.

life sux

2004-11-05T13:32:00.000-06:00

I am having the worst stretch of bad luck. I know I should count myself lucky to be living in the greatest country on earth (although it is clearly full of religious rednecks and stupid bigots) with a stable job and a strong mind, but sometimes it just sucks to be me.

I applied for a job in my department that would have paid more and gotten me off these support phones – I didn’t get it but I was in the top three. That’s the third job I’ve not gotten in this department so I don’t think I’ll ever apply for another job here. It’s depressing to think that "You’re good enough to slog away in our trenches for four years, but you’re not good enough to hobnob with the fancy pants and make any money. Oh, but keep doing all of this extra work for free, Thank You."

Harry Knowles has a 24 hour film festival for his birthday every year, the Butt-Numb-A-Thon, and you have to jump thru hoops to get in. He always has fantastic guests, sneak previews, movie swag and surprises during BNAT, so I hate to miss attending this event. The first year he held this fest was almost a ‘friends and family’ thing that sold out but wasn’t well known. Vin Diesel brought “Pitch Black” before anyone ever heard of him, so I knew I had to be at the next one. For BNAT2 I stood in line for an hour and I was maybe the 20th person in line, but since he had not capped the number of tickets per person, I was put on stand-by and eventually got in to the event with great seats. The next year, BNAT3, I waited in line for 8 hours and was maybe #120 on the waiting list so I didn’t get a ticket. For BNAT4 we had to attend a 15 hour horror film festival in costume and then we were granted tickets by lottery. We were standing in a misty rain on a muddy field half drunk, exhausted and in costume as the sun rose, franticly praying that our number would be called – we got in. I say we, because by this time I had convinced Tami to attend with me. BNAT5 required that we send in photos and a brief resume that were put together yearbook style and printed out for the attendees – we got in and even went to a kick-ass pre-party. We thought we were golden this year. Tami, Jill (I’d converted her and Trevor and Julian by now) and I worked a huge “Camp Hacknslash” event that Harry put on with Tim & Karrie and we thought that was the clincher. I was even thinking of losing some weight just to be more comfortable in the seat! I put together another great entry (he wanted to do the yearbook again) and we were rejected. Granted, Harry had @9800 people apply for 240 seats, so a lot of us were rejected, but this one hurt. I actively recruited friends and told them how great it was and how they would be sorry if they missed it, blah blah blah. And now we don’t get to go. No one cares as much as I do, I almost cried at work the next day. I’ve missed so many great Alamo events this year and this is the granddaddy of them all, so I was counting on this one. Now I want to cry again.

I have nothing new or original to say about the election. We had a group of maybe 25 people out at the Jackalope to watch the returns, and we stayed there until 2:45 am. I don’t think I really expected to see Kerry win, I figured Bush would steal it even if he lost the popular vote. I don’t really think Kerry could have done much with a Republican Congress, so it’s not like I believed his promises either. And I live in Texas, the biggest boldest central red thing going in the lower 48. The thing that disappoints and saddens me is the fact that this bumbling, lying, born-again, redneck is actually the popular choice! He’s like your cheating alcoholic boyfriend that steals money from your purse and when you catch him lying about it, he giggles and says something stupid. This is who most people actually choose to represent them?!? This is the figurehead of our nation?!? Well, if the populous is naive enough to re-elect this piece of work, then I guess he’s the perfect face of our nation. How embarrassing. I guess Schwarzenegger should be President. He’s closer to the middle than Bush. At least he can speak English as well as George.

The last three weekends in a row I’ve spent in my computer chair watching TV and surfing the net. I’ve not left the house for anything. not to take out the trash or check the mail, not to eat lunch out or see a movie, no nothing. I didn’t even try to think of a Halloween costume and that is traditionally my favorite holiday! I was invited to several parties and Chad’s band even played on Saturday night, so I would have had plenty of Lake Jackson friends there. Matt & Jennie were even in town, but I haven’t even listened to the message they left on my phone last Saturday. I still owe them $40 so I hope they don’t think I was just avoiding them. I missed Stacy’s birthday and Mecca’s bon voyage too. Why? Too fat, too lazy and too sad to leave the house.

I don’t even know why I get out of be some mornings, so I just call in sick to work. My house is a mess, I’ve gained 20 pounds, I keep showing up to work late even though I leave almost on time but I stay as late as 7:30 sometimes by myself, my clothes are getting ratty and I’m too fat to find any clothes, I’m trying to buy a house so I’m saving money and not going out (so I spend a lot more time alone in the dark in my underwear), I’ve missed every Alamo Rolling Roadshow this summer, the last guy I loved has hooked up with a great girl, I’ve had a mystery rash for 6 weeks that I just don’t bother to see a doctor about, I’m so depressed that I haven’t answered my phone for 7 days, my hair is thinning, my wallet & purse & shoes are all about to break any second, I never made it to Vegas this year (I’ve never been and I swore this was the year), I drink every day and now my first pet fish is dying.

This list makes me even sadder. It’s so pathetic. These things are so minor compared to people that really have problems, but I’m no less depressed. I wear my “Livestrong” bracelet every day (I have one hanging from my work ID too, so sometimes I’m wearing two!), and I know that there are people close to me that suffer terrible physical pain every day. I have food, shelter, family and friends, and I live downtown in a great city. I guess this is just the beginning of my holiday malaise.

We Can’t Make It Here

2004-11-01T13:37:00.000-06:00

If you have never heard anything by James McMurtry (His dad wrote Lonesome Dove) then I suggest you check him out right away. He's an Austin musician that I've had the pleasure of seeing several times and he does not disappoint.

He has a new song out and here is what he says about it:

"I see so much out there that I don't hear songs being written about, except by Steve Earle," he says. "This is the first political rant I've done. I wrote it really fast and hopefully it doesn't preach too much. But if it gets one more person to the polls, I'll consider it a success."

I've heard this song several times in the last week or so, and besides sounding great, the message is sad to hear during an election year. Not that it isn't sad all of the time, but it seems especially depressing right now. I hope you plan on voting in this momentous election, and may God have mercy on our souls.

"We Can't Make It Here"

Vietnam Vet with a cardboard sign
Sitting there by the left turn line
Flag on the wheelchair flapping in the breeze
One leg missing, both hands free
No one's paying much mind to him
The V.A. budget's stretched so thin
And there's more comin' home from the Mideast war
We can't make it here anymore

That big ol' building was the textile mill
It fed our kids and it paid our bills
But they turned us out and they closed the doors
We can't make it here anymore

See all those pallets piled up on the loading dock
They're just gonna set there till they rot
'Cause there's nothing to ship, nothing to pack
Just busted concrete and rusted tracks
Empty storefronts around the square
There's a needle in the gutter and glass everywhere
You don't come down here 'less you're looking to score
We can't make it here anymore

The bar's still open but man it's slow
The tip jar's light and the register's low
The bartender don't have much to say
The regular crowd gets thinner each day

Some have maxed out all their credit cards
Some are workin' two jobs and livin' in cars
Minimum wage won't pay for a roof, won't pay for a drink
If you gotta have proof just try it yourself Mr. CEO
See how far $5.15 an hour will go
Take a part time job at one of your stores
Bet you can't make it here anymore

High school girl with a bourgeois dream
Just like the pictures in the magazine
She found on the floor of the laundromat
A woman with kids can forget all that
If she comes up pregnant what'll she do
Forget the career, forget about school
Can she live on faith? Live on hope?
High on Jesus or hooked on dope
When it's way too late to just say no
You can't make it here anymore

Now I'm stocking shirts in the Wal-Mart store
Just like the ones we made before
'Cept this one came from Singapore
I guess we can't make it here anymore

Should I hate a people for the shade of their skin
Or the shape of their eyes or the shape I'm in
Should I hate 'em for having our jobs today
No I hate the men sent the jobs away
I can see them all now, they haunt my dreams
All lily white and squeaky clean
They've never known want, they'll never know need
Their shit don't stink and their kids won't bleed
Their kids won't bleed in the damn little war
And we can't make it here anymore

Will work for food
Will die for oil
Will kill for power and to us the spoils
The billionaires get to pay less tax
The working poor get to fall through the cracks
Let 'em eat jellybeans let 'em eat cake
Let 'em eat shit, whatever it takes
They can join the Air Force, or join the Corps
If they can't make it here anymore

And that's how it is
That's what we got
If the president wants to admit it or not
You can read it in the paper
Read it on the wall
Hear it on the wind
If you're listening at all
Get out of that limo
Look us in the eye
Call us on the cell phone
Tell us all why

In Dayton, Ohio
Or Portland, Maine
Or a cotton gin out on the great high plains
That's done closed down along with the school
And the hospital and the swimming pool
Dust devils dance in the noonday heat
There's rats in the alley
And trash in the street
Gang graffiti on a boxcar door
We can't make it here anymore

Not proud - anonymous online confessions.

2004-10-30T10:44:00.000-05:00

this thing is like an online conscience. Not proud - anonymous online confessions. I've spent so many years comparing my failures to other poeples success, it was refreshing to read other envy posts.

musicplasma.com music, links, related artists

2004-10-29T20:00:00.000-05:00

long time no write. I found this on 'the screen savers' and it's pretty cool. just enter the name of a band you like and hit enter. it will create a chart that shows you other bands you may like or bands that are related in some way. I tried Rufus Wainwright and I could kinda see where they were coming from, but then I tried David Bowie. that chart makes total sense. I love the colors that indicate what type of music each artist records. I found myself looking for the smallest halos just to find new music. check it out: musicplasma.com

lame email trailers

2004-09-14T10:26:00.000-05:00

these emails are starting to suck so bad that I don't even save them anymore. sometimes they aren't even complete words, it's just gibberish with a sentence structure. here is the only half-way decent one I've gotten in awhile:

chile chum enos differentiate premium exothermic samoa emerge hankel inputting birth biotic stabile tiber cosine nymphomaniac exploration mutton ukraine
millionth abroad palmolive animism bye anyplace cutout retract hung nc visible
investigatory amaranth paralysis synoptic woodgrain opalescent bramble caravan
jason carmichael ed fizzle lunatic cohort hostage embezzle downplay

this looks like the spelling list of a psycho. I wonder how they come up with all of those clever ways to spell Cialis and Viagra. it's like a lame spamers version of leet. (not that I want to try to read teenage hackers leetspeech anywhere, but at least it makes sense. there's even a business in Austin with a marquee, since it used to be the Cinema West porno theater, that has their whole sign done up in leet right now.) I know why they use those alternate spellings, but some of them are just freaky. I waws hoping to give some examples here, but I've either deleted them all or the Microsoft Service pack upgrade is actually blocking them! (I know that's not actually happening, but that service pack was giving me trouble yesterday so I'm still a little irritated.)

Atari Adventure

2004-09-11T12:52:00.000-05:00

Atari Adventure: "Atari Adventure free flash web game"
yeah, I guess I missed the Cootie thing, but I did find a great version of this game in flash. you can play one level with two different levels of difficulty. My mom still has our 2600 and @30 carts that still work! she has 4 joysticks and two perfect paddles, and my sister and I try to steal it every time I go to visit.

Human Face of Globalization

2004-09-11T11:37:00.000-05:00

this is a really cool project that reminds me of the global nomads. the Face of Tomorrow: the Human Face of Globalization. I see that they're gonna do austin, and I'm sad that I was not involved! this would be interesting to do at Oktoberfest or SXSW.

you should read the source code:

2.3 Sixteen Degrees of Separation
The nature of society, in which inevitably, even in the most advanced liberal democracies, there are more men than women on the street, means that in a typical photoshoot we get about one third females and two thirds males. We can’t always rely on there being 32 females, so it ends up that the number that it is convenient to work with is 16. From early research this was found to be sufficient to give an idea of the future face of that location with a high degree of consistency. In fact, we know that we have a representative face because the male and the female face for a particular location, always end up looking like brother and sister, even though each is made up of a batch of entirely unrelated individuals.

I'm starting to feel my age a bit (almost 32) so the fact that 25 is seen as the age of the future makes me a bit sad. I will aleviate this sadness by going to the World's Largest Cootie® Tournament at the IMAX theater. they're gonna have tarantula races and insect displays, bug-based delicacies, and I'll create my own creepy crawly to take home! so I'll leave now to be part of the bug-a-loo!

whoa, this is clever

2004-09-09T08:26:00.000-05:00

You know by now that I've been closely tracking the spam that I receive and I've noticed a change. I don't get coherent sentences anymore. For some reason, the secret texts have dropped off...maybe because I'm on to them. (yeah, right)

so a few days ago I got a pretty creative scam email instead. I get a heartfelt note from someone in an African royal family at least once a week, because the need me to transfer some money for them. I just didn't realize the reach of my fame - all the way to the cradle of life. But this scam is a little more focused and I wonder if it's a stolen email list from a film related website. I was excited for about 2 seconds until I really thought about the concept of being contacted for a part via email. All of my real work was arranged over the phone, even the extra bits, so I knew this was ridiculous. Check it out:

Universal studios
342 empress lane
Barking, sw19bnd london u.k

Dear applicant,

This email notification certifies that you have been randomly selected via email to apply and participate as an "Act" in the induction,casting and making of "SUPERMAN THE MOVIE " which will be out in cinema by August 2006

This selection is organised by director Steven Spliberg,Andrew Stanton and John Woo in the bid to create original characters for the casts.

We will acknowledge your altruistic effort and appreciate your recognition.

Selection of applicants and first shots of SUPERMAN V" will hold in three locations which includes Spain,London and Grecce.

We expect your early attendance all reservation /travel expense trip for each applicant.

You are henceforth required to send your application to be processed before 10th september 2004.

You are required to send in your CV msword format and include :

1.full names
2.Mailing address
3.Telphone /fax numbers
4.Recent photograph (scan and send via email)
5.Sex/nationality/marital status

PLEASE SEND CORRECT DETAILS TO ENABLE THE TRAVEL DEPT.PROCESS YOUR APPLICATION.

Dr.Anchelon Martina is in charge of your travel arrangements and as soon as your application is processed, We will send you a notification of acceptance and a brochure via FEDEX with details of your trip.

You are required to pay a registration fee of $150.00 for the
purpose of processing and posting of your travel document/brochure.

We will notified you on your travel departure/arrival date and as soon as this is done, your travel fund for the trip will be allocated to you.

NOTE: Failure to oblige will result to cancellation of your application.

Anchelon martina.
unv@representative.com

All sucessful applicants will recieve a mail notification and a telephone interview after your application as been approved.

CONGRATULATIONS
REF NUMBER: 03814/17/QG BATCH NUMBER: 09726-14

Universal Studios
Team coordinator.

uh yeah. Send a photo and $150 to some unknown English location of Universal Studios. At least this scam is not too expensive, but who would actually do this? Many of these scams try and prey on older people or dim bulbs, but would a senior think someone wanted them in a movie? Are dumb people under the impression that Universal scouts via email?! Maybe so.

did I hear you on the radio?

2004-08-25T18:37:00.000-05:00

why yes you did hear me on the radio! they have been running a Studio 360 show on NPR that says my first and last name too.

wanna hear it? here it goes.

more later...

Austin Wonderland

2004-08-24T01:30:00.000-05:00

Tonight I watched the movie Wonderland with Val Kilmer. I must say that it did remind me a lot of Randy. Val wasn’t anywhere as strung out and skittish as he needed to be to pull off that junkie paranoia but he sure was sexy. He was always so clean… drug addicts are not known for their hygiene or attention to grooming. I tried not to make the comparison, but some of the scenes when John is talking to his wife Sharon were too familiar.

It’s frightening how close I came to that kind of ridiculous life they were living in the movie. At least I never married Randy and thank God there were no children. Sometimes I do remember the fun bits of our 3 year whatever that was. Not that it was all fun and games there at the end, but at least I didn’t have to wash blood off of his face. I didn’t get the impression that John was ever violent with Dawn, but I suppose I related more with Sharon. Sharon wanted to cut him off so many times, but he came back and she just kept reluctantly dealing with his crap.

Man, I can relate to that. Sometimes Randy would come knocking on the window, (before he moved in the first time), and I wouldn’t even want to open the door. But then he would rumble something disarming and charming, or desperate and needy, or even anguished and suffering. His constant barrage of emotional grappling hooks eventually wore me down and in he would come. After we screwed and went thru whatever emotional baggage he brought with him that night, I would generally scold him about how late it was or how long he had been away but inevitably I’d start trying to make him comfortable. I was still vegetarian when we first hooked up but I kept frozen meat meals in the freezer just in case he was actually eating that day. I knew I was falling for him when I stood in the freezer section of the grocery store trying to decide if my wayward stripper speed freak quasi-boyfriend would rather eat a turkey dinner or lasagna. I seriously doubt any of his other women worried about his diet.

One day I should sit down and write all of that madness down before I repress it completely. Like the story behind the 18x4 stolen painting that he brought to my house, or the Jet Ski on my apartment porch. That would have been kinda hard to explain to a cop – why a girl with no car had somehow hauled a heavy piece of boating equipment to an apartment 30 miles from any large bodies of water. I did love when he gave me all of his contracting checks and the big cuts from stripping gigs to put in my bank account – Randy was on an allowance! Or how a guy (ol’ Danny Crow) impersonating Randy Bachman from the band Bachman Turner Overdrive was running a nudist flop house with a 17 year old girl in a gatehouse at the lake. All the long weekends we spent at Carlos & Charlie’s spending money like water and enjoying the sun. I kinda do miss Mike and I would love to talk to him again. He was like the one sane person that we could talk to together and he saw right thru our shit. No matter how solid we thought our point was, he could burst that soap bubble and verbally slap you on the ass. I’m sure he got tired of the yelling and the tears, but I think he wanted to fill that Dad role for us. Some of the things he said to me are still as true as they were then…I still won’t learn that last lesson, Mike.

It was hard to separate Val Kilmer from the character he was trying to play. He is so damn sexy. Randy was attractive to me for many of the same reasons, but I don’t know if I’d even fall for him now. God, I hope not. He was born on September 16, 1964 so this year he turns 40. He was 29 when I met him so I suppose it’s fitting that I’m thinking of those days and nights. Hey, if leg warmers and granny boots are back, I can reminisce about my most exciting and tragic love affair again. I hope this is just a phase.

Apple is a cult.

2004-08-15T21:15:00.000-05:00

I love MetaFilter and I've put a link over there on the right, but this is one of the craziest things I've ever read from a MeFi link. This is an old story so you may have already read it but I can't keep from repeating the story!

It's from a page on a religious website called "Objective: Christian Ministries" and the article is titled "Evolutionism Propaganda". First the writer, Dr. Richard Paley who is a teacher of Divinity and Theobiology, bashes PBS as a purveyor of "anti-Christian junk". then he talks about Pokemon and I'll just have to show you the passage:

Some of the most popular vehicles for this subliminal propaganda are children's television shows, books, and toys. By getting their ideas into the minds of the young, they hope to be able to do the most damage to traditional values and belief. Shows like Pokemon, which features animals "evolving" into new forms, and popular movies like Jurassic Park and X-Men provide a continuous cultural fog of Evolutionism that is impossible for innocent children to escape from.

oooooooh-kay. I guess that's kinda obvious since Pokemon DO in fact 'evolve'. but is this man trying to say that a Japanese cartoon has plotted to influence American Christian children to do anything but buy toys?! and you just have to love the picture of the Eevee key chain portrayed as "Chained to Evolutionism" - that's rich.

but then we come to the very best part! Dr. Richard Paley lets up in on the big secret...Apple Computers is a CULT! you read me right, all you pagans. here's the good doctor again:

That's right, new Macs are based on Darwinism! While they currently don't advertise this fact to consumers, it is well known among the computer elite, who are mostly Atheists and Pagans. Furthermore, the Darwin OS is released under an "Open Source" license, which is just another name for Communism.

Welly welly well! You hippies have pulled the patchouli smoke over our eyes for long enough! tell us more Dr. Paley:

But is this really such a shock? Let’s look for a moment at Apple Computers. Founded by long haired hippies, this company has consistently supported 60's counter-cultural "values". But there are even darker undertones to this company than most are aware of. Consider the name of the company and its logo: an apple with a bite taken out of it. This is clearly a reference to the Fall, when Adam and Eve were tempted with an apple by the serpent. It is now Apple Computers offering us temptation, thereby aligning themselves with the forces of darkness.

This company is well known for its cult-like following. It isn't much of a stretch to say that it is a cult. Consider co-founder and leader Steve Jobs' constant exhortation through advertising (i.e. mind control) that its followers should "think different". We have to ask ourselves: "think different than whom or what?" The disturbing answer is that they want us to think different than our Christian upbringing, to reject all the values that we have been taught and to heed not the message of the Lord Jesus Christ!

ponder this: would you "call a beatnik writer or a rambling, dazed teen normal people," or do you agree that this "...is Apple's hippy roots resurfacing"? I think the Doctor has more than proved his point. Apple is a Commie cult full of hippies.

Suicide Solution?

2004-08-03T19:51:00.000-05:00

I was having dinner at Zen when my Lake Jackson pal Emily told me about a tragic event. One of our friends has committed suicide. It just happened last Friday (I found out Monday night) and no one knows exactly why - even his long time friend and fuck-buddy Ashley D. she's been intimately associated with Mark for almost 7 years and she doesn't even know what happened. Emily and I talked about how awful it was that someone we knew was able to hide this much pain and anguish without anyone even noticing. What kinds of people are we that he wouldn't have tried to share his pain? How cold and aloof we must have seemed for him to feel so alone that he took this tragic leap. I have been horribly depressed myself lately, sometimes I call in sick to work just because I can't stand to go in public, but I've never TRULY tried to kill myself.

However, I must say that this is one of the worst times in my life. I have totally given up and I have no reason to believe that I will ever – at any time – be even remotely happy about anything. I’m fat and not likely to loose much weight in my life, I’ve never been pretty, and I’m unhappy and unloved. Even the people that still speak to me do so at their own peril. No one has any reason to speak to me or pay me any attention. I have nothing to offer and I don’t even want to pretend to have a life at this point. Frankly, if I were a guy, I wouldn’t EVER think of touching a girl like me and at this point I wouldn’t respect any man that wanted to be with me. Does that make me a snob? Well yes it does. I’ve decided in advance that I’m unfit to have a happy relationship and so I’ve decided that I’ll be alone forever. My sister is currently with a decent guy, and I hope the finally develop a mature relationship, but I think it’s over for me. Is that a sad thought to have at 31? Probably, but everyone I say this to agrees with me. If I say something like, “I, Shauna, will always be unhappy and alone.” of course they would say “Oh no! Not you, you will be happy and content.” But I know they’re wrong. This is America by God. This is the land of shallow criticism, empty emotion, and pretty pacifism. Those of us that are normal, maybe at the lowest end of normal, might as well be trolls. People like me don’t matter to anyone. I’ve blown all of the stereotypes. I’m a minority female with a partial college education that works for the state and may never go any farther than the same desk in the same window in the same building. If I was earning the second income in a happy small loving family unit, I guess I would be ok with this wage. But as it is, I really want to die. I’m embarrassed to be in this job…in this house…in this life, and sometimes I wanna die too.

So why don’t I? That’s the big question. Why did Mark actually go all the way to the point of killing himself, but I don’t? What made him so hopeless and despondent that he went thru with it? Did he have a dark secret that no one will ever know? Mental illness? Inoperable disease? Or had he just realized that nothing was ever gonna get better? Maybe his grief had become a searing flame instead of the constant dull throb that I experience. What kind of final mind fuck was that for Ashley? Here is someone that she’s had a long time relationship with that didn’t even tell her that he was thinking of doing this. And of course everyone is going to be looking to her for answers and clues, reminding her over and over that she just doesn’t know. That would suck.

Well Mark, I hope you got some relief from whatever drove you to this. You leave many of us behind questioning ourselves and our relationships. Maybe we should try harder to be there for each other and to talk to our friends more deeply. Sleep well.

A Vagabond Chapter

2004-08-03T13:41:00.000-05:00

I finally finished reading Vanity Fair. I was just reading it during my lunch breaks at work, but I took it home this weekend and polished it off last night. You can tell he was a contemporary of Dickens and the contrast is fascinating. Thackeray's world is full of balls and soldiers and carriage rides, and Dickens is squalor and hunger and hard labor. but they both share a sense of melancholy and emotional suffering that is deep and well fleshed-out. by the end of their books you almost feel like these people are your next door neighbors. I know Becky's favorite color, Jos's most common wine choice, Pitt Crawley's deep desire to be listed in the Peerage and the shape of Mr. Osborne eyebrows when he's angry. it took me a little longer to warm up to all of these broken people, (Dickens usually gives us a clear good-hearted hero to follow from the very beginning),but it was well worth the time.

and although I still prefer Dickens since I have such a long rich history with his writing, I must say Thackeray is a very engaging author. I found myself laughing out loud at some of his asides to the audience. I felt like I was watching a play with a narrator. I'm so glad Mira Nair is directing this movie. she has a wonderful eye and I just know she'll do this work justice. I don't want to see another "Affair of the Necklace". but just to give you an example of his descriptive style, I've picked out a passage near the end of the book. he's talking about Becky Sharp, the gold-digging social climber at the core of the book Vanity Fair. She had dropped out of the story for a few "years" and he's explaining to the audience why he isn't going to give us a detailed run down of what she was doing all that time.

...it has been the wish of the present writer, all through this story, deferentially to submit to the fashion at present prevailing, and only to hint at the existence of wickedness in a light, easy, and agreeable manner, so that nobody's fine feelings may be offended. I defy any one to say that our Becky, who has certainly some vices, has not been presented to the public in a perfectly genteel and inoffensive manner. In describing this Siren, singing and smiling, coaxing and cajoling, the author, with modest pride, asks his readers all round, has he once forgotten the laws of politeness, and showed the monster's hideous tail above water? No! Those who like may peep down under waves that are pretty transparent and see it writhing and twirling, diabolically hideous and slimy, flapping amongst bones, or curling round corpses; but above the waterline, I ask, has not everything been proper, agreeable, and decorous, and has any the most squeamish immoralist in Vanity Fair a right to cry fie? When, however, the Siren disappears and dives below, down among the dead men, the water of course grows turbid over her, and it is labour lost to look into it ever so curiously. They look pretty enough when they sit upon a rock, twanging their harps and combing their hair, and sing, and beckon to you to come and hold the looking-glass; but when they sink into their native element, depend on it, those mermaids are about no good, and we had best not examine the fiendish marine cannibals, revelling and feasting on their wretched pickled victims. And so, when Becky is out of the way, be sure that she is not particularly well employed, and that the less that is said about her doings is in fact the better.

isn't that great?! by this time in the book we know all about her inner demons and her wicked ways, but this is a wonderful way to summarize this and leaves the reader fully satisfied with the lack of information.

oooohhh more spam!

2004-07-29T22:29:00.000-05:00

I found this link on yahoo of all places, but I'm glad to see someone else that values some aspect of the damned spam. Spamusement has some funny cartoons but I'm really just impressed that yahoo picked this site out of the net. my favorite is either "we have your medicine" or maybe "why your computer is running slow". the fat folk funnies are neat, like the "on a low carb diet? not anymore..." or the more personal "Losing weight impossible?". Also, I just started calling them 'Spam Trailers' on my own, but it looks like other folks came up with the same phrase to describe them! I must say, mine are much more advanced in structure and content. case in point:

Rob was quickly surrounded by a crowd of the villagers, who chattered fiercely and made threatening motions in his direction; but as the chief cried out to them a warning in the native tongue they kept a respectful distance and contented themselves with brandishing their spears and clubs. Would such a gentle animal be guilty of eating a fellow creature? No; a thousand times, no! Oh, cut it short, said Eureka; you've talked long enough I will give you a half million dollars for the recipe to make them, said the gentleman

or perhaps you will be more impressed with a piece like this one:

But its original shape was more distorted than ever, and Rob feared he had utterly ruined its delicate mechanism. We've been in the dark quite a while, and you may as well explain what has happened
What right have you to capture vibrations that radiate from private and secret actions and discover them to others who have no business to know them? This would be a fine world if every body could peep into every one else's affairs, wouldn't it? And here is your Character Marker dad looked at them, then at the fridge door, then at his watch. "we-ell..."

knock youselves out with the joy these passages bring to us all. and what the hell did you think of Kerry's speech? he's so stiff, but this was the best speech I've seen him give yet. I hope he wins, but he is kinda lame - better than the dumbass we've got now.

Literature spam

2004-07-27T17:38:00.000-05:00

this was the spam trailer I received today, and this might even be part one of the one I posted yesterday. where is this stuff from?

And truly it is as yet an incomplete society in some points; or at least it contained, as I passed through, one person incompletely civilised. At North Platte, where we supped that evening, one man asked another to pass the milk-jug. This other was well-dressed and of what we should call a respectable appearance; a darkish man, high spoken, eating as though he had some usage of society; but he turned upon the first speaker with extraordinary vehemence of tone -

"There's a waiter here!" he cried. "I only asked you to pass the milk," explained the first. Here is the retort verbatim -

I'm reading William Makepeace Thackeray's "Vanity Fair" right now in anticipation of the Reece Witherspoon film and for my own enjoyment. I've never read any Thackeray before and I find him very jolly and sarcastic. It reminds me of the conversational tone Stephen King uses but it seems a little more formal due to the age of the work. (it was released as a book in 1841) I love my Dickens, of course, but I'm really enjoying Thackeray. If anyone ot there doesn't read the classics, I can't suggest it highly enough. start with some Alexandre Dumas if you want some interpersonal excitement or Jules Verne for pure adventure.

Weekend Wasteland

2004-07-26T08:30:00.000-05:00

so once I got home from work on Friday afternoon with my 18-pack, I went inside my apartment and I didn't open my front door until the pizza guy came on sunday night. since my sister moved out I've been paying the whole rent and I'm always out of money by the end of the month. so drinking alone in my apartment and watching movies on cable is my new end of the month weekend activity. I've also been a buying more liquor than beer in a feeble attempt to save money - which only works if you use generic sodas or kool-ade as a mixer.

I didn't have much to do this weekend so I decided to make saturday my party day. this generally means that I get up and watch cartoons, start drinking around noon, watch some cheesy movies while surfing the internet, pass out @ 5pm, get up at 8ish when people start calling about what's going on that night, promise to meet people somewhere and then stumble out to the cab or to bed - depending on when I stopped drinking. this satuday's first cocktail was a doosy and it just got worse after the first one. (I was celebrating the incredible 19th Stage win by Lance Armstrong which had cemented his win of his 6th Tour) keep in mind that I am traditionally a beer drinker, specifically a light beer drinker, and large amounts of hard liquor is something I save for nights at the bar. I knew that things had gone terribly wrong when I was asleep in the tub with water running all over the floor. the sad thing is I got our of the bath, cleaned up the water and then went back to the drinking. luckily I only had one more beer, but I was obviously bombed by that time. I polished off a cheap 750ml bottle of rum, at least a fifth of Vodka and a few 5.5% beers. I'm convinced it was the lack of food and the cheap rum that did me in finally.

because sunday was a wasteland - literally. it was one of those days where you wake up half drunk and you only feel the full force of your hangover as the day goes on. and there's nothing you can do about it at all. I probably should have forced a vomit when I first got up but my head was pounding too hard to bother. the second time I got up for water was a good time to eat some crackers, but I didn't make it to the kitchen. the fourth time I got up to finally eat some soup (around 1:30pm) I actually thought I was gonna vomit and I was watching tv with one eye closed because I thought that might help with the spinning. I don't think I felt better until like 5pm! Damn you Ronrico, damn you to hell!

now that that is all behind me until next month, here is your spam trailer for the day:

"Pass! Hell! I'm not paid for that business; the waiter's paid for it. You should use civility at table, and, by God, I'll show you how!"
IV In nobler books we are moved with something like the emotions of life; and this emotion is very variously provoked. We are so moved when Levine labours in the field, when Andre sinks beyond emotion, when Richard Feverel and Lucy Desborough meet beside the river, when Antony, "not cowardly, puts off his helmet," when Kent has infinite pity on the dying Lear, when, in Dostoieffky's DESPISED AND REJECTED, the uncomplaining hero drains his cup of suffering and virtue. These are notes that please the great heart of man. Not only love, and the fields, and the bright face of danger, but sacrifice and death and unmerited suffering humbly supported, touch in us the vein of the poetic. We love to think of them, we long to try them, we are humbly hopeful that we may prove heroes also. The other man very wisely made no answer, and the bully went on with his supper as though nothing had occurred. It pleases me to think that some day soon he will meet with one of his own kidney; and that perhaps both may fall.

enjoy that people. and if you want to find some of these jewels on your own spam, try doing a text highlight on those big open spaces at the end of many messages - you may find some special words of wisdom!

email trailers of the day

2004-07-22T19:39:00.000-05:00

they can only stay in my email account for a few days and some of the great ones are already gone, so here are some trailers:

tea party of is botched. Sometimes for reactor laughs out loud, but related to carpet tack always operate a small fruit stand with blithe spirit near!Where we can non-chalantly know our pickup truck. A few biceps, and blood clot inside corporation) to arrive at a state of boy He called her Ira (or was it Ira?). shenandoah lutanist dialectic melanie query garlic lariat newspaperman

not too exciting. try this one:

traffic light derive perverse satisfaction from from marzipan.turn signal teach for carpet tack. bubble bath inside, garbage can about, and of warranty are what made America great! living with deficit tr to seduce bowling ball living with blithe spirit, because inside hockey player find lice on from ribbon. allotted augment diaphanous orlando anemone grantee toggle

hmmm. much more random but just as odd. here's the last one:

And pee on the dark side of her pickup truck. bodice rippers remain revered. Unlike so many pockets who have made their elusive fairy to us. Indeed, blithe spirit defined by figure out related to mirror. When skyscraper around is wrinkled, inside insurance agent brainwash bodice ripper near fairy. Damion, the friend of Damion and earns frequent flier miles with related to chain saw. chartroom astonish effluvium circumsphere revile

so what on earth is the deal with these things?! "Blithe Spirit" - does that have some sort of significance. with that, I'm off to the Room 710 to see the Rockland Eagles and drink several $1 Lone Stars.

Lance is the Champion, Again!

2004-07-22T13:29:00.000-05:00

Yes, I am a huge fan of Lance Armstrong and the Tour de France. I've met him several times thru mutual Plano friends and he was always cool. I knew him a few years before the cancer. I watch the race whenever I can but since I'm usually at work, I get the fast recaps on the Tour website. They post a new note every 2-3 minutes through the first part of the race, but I think it's more like every 30 seconds during the last 5 minutes of a Stage.

This morning I was reading the Stage 17 notes today to a few co-workers and it was like an old radio drama or something. I get excited about things fairly easily at the best of times, but I was really into it today. I felt like I was the announcer at a horse race. people were drifting towards my cubicle and standing around waiting for the next info to come over the web. I was using the time gaps to bring some of them up to snuff on who each rider was and what their records were. I was so excited when Lance told Landis to go that I think I many have shouted. after Lance took the Stage, I went to the cafeteria which is in a different part of the building, and I think I was humming "We are the Champions" the whole way there. when I was in the elevator I had my arms raised in Triumph, and I was smiling ear to ear. I must have stopped to share the good news with 3 different sets of people - they all wanted to know why I was beaming.

it just strikes me as a wonderful example of how small the world has become. I am at a desk in Austin Texas getting real time updates from some one in France about something happening on the other side of the globe, and it is affecting me and the people around me on an emotional level immediately. that is so cool. I have a few friends that think the internet is too impersonal, my pal Matt won't even shop on-line, but I think it opens endless windows. sure I would have found out the details of this Stage of the Tour in tomorrows paper, but how fantastic is it to think that I shared that moment with millions of people all over the globe at the same time? that is amazing. if you told someone in 1945 that that was going to be commonplace, they would've thought you were out of your mind. Viva le Internet! Viva le Lance!

Napoleon Dynamite is AWESOME.

2004-07-17T20:30:00.000-05:00

If you haven’t already seen it, you should go check out Napoleon Dynamite immediately. It isn’t the greatest movie on the face of the Earth or anything, but there are so many quotable lines and phrases that you are gonna be left out if you don’t check out this flick. It’s like Sixteen Candles or a geek version of Rushmore.

The screening I went to today was preceded by a Napoleon Dynamite Fan club meeting. They had these bags of goodies with special Napoleon chap-stick, Gatorade for chugging, bandanas and “Vote for Pedro” fliers and buttons and a bunch of other cool stuff. It looks like they are trying to push this into being an audience participation cult classic a’la Rocky Horror. Some of the gags they suggested were dumb, but I actually can see why this movie might turn into just that very thing. I wish I had a 32 piece set and a steak. Eat some ham Tina!

So I have been watching a shit-load of movies lately. I live in hot-ass Texas, I’m poor right now, no car, no boyfriend, my best friend is unemployed, I have almost all of the cable channels (no Showtime or TMC – but just about everything else) and I’m always happy to use someone else’s AC for an afternoon. Austin is also a fantastic place for indi film events and pre-release film screenings with special guest Q&A sessions. We also have a kick ass old school theater house downtown, the Paramount, which shows classic films all summer- every summer. What I’m trying to tell you is – I watch a LOT of movies.

One day last week I watched 5 movies in a row. The two I wanna tell you about now are “My Little Eye” and “FearDotCom”. Let’s just say that the order I watched them in SEVERLY affected my final opinion of each film. First I checked out “My Little Eye” which starred Jennifer Sky who we all know was an actress that showed up in several episodes of Xena and had her own show called “Cleopatra 2525” from 2000-2002 (no mater what anyone says). I love her high pitched screams a’la Jamie Lee Curtis so I knew I was in for a class B or C screaming horror flick. The movie was much better that expected and by the end I found myself a little disturbed. I’m a huge reality show fan and I’m on the web all the time trying to find the newest show, so this flick appealed directly to me. I think I would suggest this movie to other people without too much of a disclaimer. This would be an outstanding slumber party horror movie, since most people would not have even heard of it and it does creep you out in the end. I’d give it 2.5 out of 5 stars with the 0.5 for the twist. The movie “FearDotCom” on the other hand, would earn only 1 star since I saw it immediately after “My Little Eye” and oh yeah – it SUCKED!

If you have seen “The Ring” or more importantly “The Ringu” there is absolutely no point in seeing “FearDotCom”. It feels like some 20 year old saw a bootleg of “The Ringu” and decided to make an American version with a slightly different medium for bringing people in to the story but it ends with the an identical conclusion. I found myself laughing out loud at some of the dialog and shaking my head at the blatant ripping off of “The Ring”. There were a few scenes that felt like they must have just taken the script from “The Ring” and just changed a few words here and there and then given it to the art director. I’m sorry, but the ‘creepy’ images on the website were kinda dumb – it was only the music that made it seem ominous at all. I almost wish I was writing a book report about themes in this movie because I would rip this flick a new one. Please do NOT waste your time on this movie.

Today's Spam-trailer

2004-07-05T23:59:00.000-05:00

yeah, I really don't know what the hell is going on with these freakin' things. they get just a little bit more...interesting every day. one day I'll bust out the real doosies for you, but for the moment here's today's:

If sandwich inside salad dressing reach an understanding with swamp near, then chestnut for nation beams with joy. A few cream puffs, and related to movie theater) to arrive at a state of deficit When toward curse is rhetorical, tuba player living with diskette mourn scythe from. stalactites remain frightened. roller coaster organize trombone inside lover. And go deep sea fishing with the dark side of her pickup truck. thomistic ministry contraband tight parenthesis somebody'll above numeral

nice. sweet and so so nice. it's almost 'schway', but not quite.

Because I got off at the very early 12:10pm, I went to see Spiderman 2 and Napoleon Dynamite today. both films were fun and worth checking out. I can't believe I missed Napoleon Dynamite during SXSW, I would have suggested it to everyone. I have a feeling that I'm gonna end up watching that movie a million times and quoting the hell out of it for years. what a great piece of work. it may not win important awards or anything, but it's a great experience for you and your friends that should not be missed. Christ, they did enough advertising on the indi movie sites that I might have said these nice things without even seeing the flick! seriously, the movie was way cool.

Song lyrics?

2004-07-04T02:02:00.000-05:00

I think these Spam-trailers could be made ito some sort of disfunctional thrash music:

dust bunny toward minivan is hypnotic. When oil filter from panics, dolphin about sweeps the floor. fruit cake organize around gonad. Where we can inexorably operate a small fruit stand with our garbage can. doomsday univac susanne dopant egg champaign

now that one is fantastic but check this out:

He called her Megan (or was it Megan?). toothpick over insurance agent meditates, but industrial complex of give a pink slip to for alchemist. Furthermore, jersey cow over takes a coffee break, and bonbon related to make a truce with bride defined by. about fundraiser is impromptu. Megan and I took buzzard behind pickup truck (with reactor of necromancer, toothache inside pig pen. Still seek her from chess board living with cup, assimilate her around bullfrog with for marzipan.
homework can't wreath christ artillery clamorous adelaide

Man, I can hear that one already! maybe this one is more your style:

toothpicks remain revered. Hillary, the friend of Hillary and gets stinking drunk with ball bearing living with. traffic light borrow money from short order cook behind fighter pilot.Any turkey can operate a small fruit stand with about diskette, but it takes a real tape recorder to behind parking lot. But they need to remember how slyly toward necromancer prays.toothaches remain imaginative. adverb quilt snowy angela ardent

can you believe these things? I just know there is not a person that sits down and chooses these words, so what kind of program is putting these together? if you know, please tell me...I really do want to know.

First Thursday

2004-07-04T01:18:00.000-05:00

so I took a Mental Health day off of work on Thursday. I slept in, and then caught an early screening of 'Fahrenheit 9/11' which was great. After a lovely lunch at Sarovar, I went to the HEB to get fixin's for the 4th of July luncheon. then I was picked up by Jill and Tami to head down to First Thursday on South Congress, or 'SoCo' as some people call it now. we put some folding chairs and a cooler full of beer in the bed of Tami's truck and proceded to start drinking @ 5:30p.

we were quite a sight I would imagine. at one point there were three chicks sitting in chairs in the truck bed, two more on the folded-down tailgate, and 9 guys on the tarmac all around the back of the truck, and everyone drinking beers. we made a point of asking the cops what was allowed and what would get us a ticket, and they basically just told us to stay out of the traffic and watch out for the rookie cops, as a large class of new cops had just graduated. there were SOOO many cops out that sometimes they walked in groups of 4 or 5. the police helicopter was out and I didn't even realize Austin had a helicopter! we had a fine time just people watching and waving to the masses.

then we went to Room 710 and enjoyed some $1 Lone Stars. the usual crowd was there Seth, Jesse, Chad, and the assorted other players. I love that bar so much. Jill always asks "who's playing?" but what the hell difference does it make? I would go to that bar any night in any clothes in any mood. it's like an extention of my living room - the basement clubhouse I never had. I love you 710!

Friday was a nice slow day at work and we had a TON of food. Saturday morning I slept in and taped my cartoons (thanks for the video tapes Ashley!). My mom was in town for a bandarah so we took her to dinner at Curra's then for slushes at Sonic. we checked out my sister's new house and her photos from the cruise. After dropping off the Mom unit, we returned to my neck of the woods and went thru the new Touchless Car Wash at my Chevron. I picked up some Pabst Blue Ribbon and headed home to play video games and check out some Adult Swim action. my favorite episode of Futurama was on - the one with Space Honey when Leila goes into a coma. tommorrow is the 4th of July...awesome.

My friend Korey

2004-06-30T22:37:00.000-05:00

I have a great friend who is an animator that I have known since I was 18 years old. A tall lovely drink of chocolate muscle (hi Korey!), he is quite a funny and creative human being.

He has a show on cable access called The Reel Deal that he hosts with a few friends every Wednesday nights at 10pm. Check out some of his animation and some of the past newsletters for the show. The show has been on for several years (maybe 5) and they always get great write-ups in the Austin Chronicle.

He was just FREAKING out about 'Fahrenheit 9/11' and now he's freaking about Spider-Man 2. Babe, I love you but you need to calm down before you pop a vein. He had very strong feelings about 'Fahrenheit 9/11' and I'm sure I'll check it out this next weekend. Bush is such a putz. And the guy from 'Napoleon Dynamite' has a really messed up mouth. It almost doesn't look real - freaky.

Here's a bit of Spam-trailer wisdom

2004-06-29T19:06:00.000-05:00

So take a look at this one and see if you can feel the pattern.

Views: 130 swims, he spoke to no one and avoided all eye contact even the fluttering "Hardly," scoffed Astor. if Darin would be taking a break soon. She quickly checked her watch. 10:20 am. 9.Paperback,December1982OurPrice:24.00Barnes 22.80Holiday Delivery Schedule 1F Test Found System Memory states that have solicited donations on behalf of September 11 victims. He passed through the gate without slowing to say hi to the guards, to setup and install virtually any hard disk, regardless of disk's everliving and the source of all life. one will miss an old dear like her but what about the pussy any news I've got an apartment in Toronto, Tom was about to answer Aligore when and another me. There is you in me, and me in you. I will live with you under the same blanket, and die with you who produced Disneys new 100plus million "Mighty Joe Young."Paul from Rhode Island: Do you have a favorite among the Bible storiesJerry Jenkins: You gotta love David and Goliath. I also like Shadrach Vesa Local Bus cards just don't like to stay seated. Pushing them in at the back pushes the front ps the ceremonialritualisticesoteric angle.As years have gone by, many of originally bizarre magicians have drifted into what we may now call "storytelling" magic. Perhaps propelled by the search for asked. Even intelligent beings who traveled to earth from trillions of miles

Many of the most recent spams that I have received have had these long sentences. Previously they were usually strings of aparently unrelated words. They are getting smarter. Here is another one:

The Unhappy Fate of the Demon Again the atmosphere quickened and pulsed with accumulating vibrations

Oooohoo, deep.

My new Binoculars

2004-06-29T15:02:00.000-05:00

My favorite radio station KLBJ was doing a contest for the show "24" during Spring Sweeps. If you answered a trivia question correctly you would win a set of Bushnell Image View binoculars. Of course I won them because I watch a ridiculous amount of TV.

Richard Linklater is filming his new movie, A Scanner Darkly, right now and one of the sets is right ouside my office window. Well, it's 4 blocks away and I'm on the 11th floor, but I'm still getting a 40-hour-a-week view of the set. Today is the first day they've had any "talent" on the set. And how do I know that? My new binoculars! My whole office is stopping by periodically to take a look and they are all quite jealous. (haha) It's been raining all day and most of the set is outside so I doubt they've gotten much done today.

UberShauna is an UberGeek

2004-06-29T10:47:00.000-05:00

Yes, I've finally attained the ultimate in Geek status and I must now share my thoughts with the world. I know that's a pretentious way to start, but the name of this blog is 'UberShauna' after all.

I've got some great things coming up for y'all. One of the main things I want to share is my collection of 'Spam-trailers', at least that's what I like to call them. These are those increasingly odd strings of weird words and garbled phrases that we see at the end of spam messages. They used to be light grey or white so you were unable to read them but now they're written in normal black and they get stranger every day.

For around 3 months I have been saving these messages and I'm beginning to think that there is a cosmic pattern there. Some of them are full jokes or parts of books but sometimes I think there is a hidden message if we can only reveal the pattern. I'll start posting my favorites and you can tell me what you think. Try reading them aloud.