oooohhh more spam!

I found this link on yahoo of all places, but I'm glad to see someone else that values some aspect of the damned spam. Spamusement has some funny cartoons but I'm really just impressed that yahoo picked this site out of the net. my favorite is either "we have your medicine" or maybe "why your computer is running slow". the fat folk funnies are neat, like the "on a low carb diet? not anymore..." or the more personal "Losing weight impossible?". Also, I just started calling them 'Spam Trailers' on my own, but it looks like other folks came up with the same phrase to describe them! I must say, mine are much more advanced in structure and content. case in point:

Rob was quickly surrounded by a crowd of the villagers, who chattered fiercely and made threatening motions in his direction; but as the chief cried out to them a warning in the native tongue they kept a respectful distance and contented themselves with brandishing their spears and clubs. Would such a gentle animal be guilty of eating a fellow creature? No; a thousand times, no! Oh, cut it short, said Eureka; you've talked long enough I will give you a half million dollars for the recipe to make them, said the gentleman

or perhaps you will be more impressed with a piece like this one:

But its original shape was more distorted than ever, and Rob feared he had utterly ruined its delicate mechanism. We've been in the dark quite a while, and you may as well explain what has happened
What right have you to capture vibrations that radiate from private and secret actions and discover them to others who have no business to know them? This would be a fine world if every body could peep into every one else's affairs, wouldn't it? And here is your Character Marker dad looked at them, then at the fridge door, then at his watch. "we-ell..."

knock youselves out with the joy these passages bring to us all. and what the hell did you think of Kerry's speech? he's so stiff, but this was the best speech I've seen him give yet. I hope he wins, but he is kinda lame - better than the dumbass we've got now.

Literature spam

this was the spam trailer I received today, and this might even be part one of the one I posted yesterday. where is this stuff from?

And truly it is as yet an incomplete society in some points; or at least it contained, as I passed through, one person incompletely civilised. At North Platte, where we supped that evening, one man asked another to pass the milk-jug. This other was well-dressed and of what we should call a respectable appearance; a darkish man, high spoken, eating as though he had some usage of society; but he turned upon the first speaker with extraordinary vehemence of tone -

"There's a waiter here!" he cried. "I only asked you to pass the milk," explained the first. Here is the retort verbatim -

I'm reading William Makepeace Thackeray's "Vanity Fair" right now in anticipation of the Reece Witherspoon film and for my own enjoyment. I've never read any Thackeray before and I find him very jolly and sarcastic. It reminds me of the conversational tone Stephen King uses but it seems a little more formal due to the age of the work. (it was released as a book in 1841) I love my Dickens, of course, but I'm really enjoying Thackeray. If anyone ot there doesn't read the classics, I can't suggest it highly enough. start with some Alexandre Dumas if you want some interpersonal excitement or Jules Verne for pure adventure.

Weekend Wasteland

so once I got home from work on Friday afternoon with my 18-pack, I went inside my apartment and I didn't open my front door until the pizza guy came on sunday night. since my sister moved out I've been paying the whole rent and I'm always out of money by the end of the month. so drinking alone in my apartment and watching movies on cable is my new end of the month weekend activity. I've also been a buying more liquor than beer in a feeble attempt to save money - which only works if you use generic sodas or kool-ade as a mixer.

I didn't have much to do this weekend so I decided to make saturday my party day. this generally means that I get up and watch cartoons, start drinking around noon, watch some cheesy movies while surfing the internet, pass out @ 5pm, get up at 8ish when people start calling about what's going on that night, promise to meet people somewhere and then stumble out to the cab or to bed - depending on when I stopped drinking. this satuday's first cocktail was a doosy and it just got worse after the first one. (I was celebrating the incredible 19th Stage win by Lance Armstrong which had cemented his win of his 6th Tour) keep in mind that I am traditionally a beer drinker, specifically a light beer drinker, and large amounts of hard liquor is something I save for nights at the bar. I knew that things had gone terribly wrong when I was asleep in the tub with water running all over the floor. the sad thing is I got our of the bath, cleaned up the water and then went back to the drinking. luckily I only had one more beer, but I was obviously bombed by that time. I polished off a cheap 750ml bottle of rum, at least a fifth of Vodka and a few 5.5% beers. I'm convinced it was the lack of food and the cheap rum that did me in finally.

because sunday was a wasteland - literally. it was one of those days where you wake up half drunk and you only feel the full force of your hangover as the day goes on. and there's nothing you can do about it at all. I probably should have forced a vomit when I first got up but my head was pounding too hard to bother. the second time I got up for water was a good time to eat some crackers, but I didn't make it to the kitchen. the fourth time I got up to finally eat some soup (around 1:30pm) I actually thought I was gonna vomit and I was watching tv with one eye closed because I thought that might help with the spinning. I don't think I felt better until like 5pm! Damn you Ronrico, damn you to hell!

now that that is all behind me until next month, here is your spam trailer for the day:

"Pass! Hell! I'm not paid for that business; the waiter's paid for it. You should use civility at table, and, by God, I'll show you how!"
IV In nobler books we are moved with something like the emotions of life; and this emotion is very variously provoked. We are so moved when Levine labours in the field, when Andre sinks beyond emotion, when Richard Feverel and Lucy Desborough meet beside the river, when Antony, "not cowardly, puts off his helmet," when Kent has infinite pity on the dying Lear, when, in Dostoieffky's DESPISED AND REJECTED, the uncomplaining hero drains his cup of suffering and virtue. These are notes that please the great heart of man. Not only love, and the fields, and the bright face of danger, but sacrifice and death and unmerited suffering humbly supported, touch in us the vein of the poetic. We love to think of them, we long to try them, we are humbly hopeful that we may prove heroes also. The other man very wisely made no answer, and the bully went on with his supper as though nothing had occurred. It pleases me to think that some day soon he will meet with one of his own kidney; and that perhaps both may fall.

enjoy that people. and if you want to find some of these jewels on your own spam, try doing a text highlight on those big open spaces at the end of many messages - you may find some special words of wisdom!

email trailers of the day

they can only stay in my email account for a few days and some of the great ones are already gone, so here are some trailers:

tea party of is botched. Sometimes for reactor laughs out loud, but related to carpet tack always operate a small fruit stand with blithe spirit near!Where we can non-chalantly know our pickup truck. A few biceps, and blood clot inside corporation) to arrive at a state of boy He called her Ira (or was it Ira?). shenandoah lutanist dialectic melanie query garlic lariat newspaperman

not too exciting. try this one:

traffic light derive perverse satisfaction from from marzipan.turn signal teach for carpet tack. bubble bath inside, garbage can about, and of warranty are what made America great! living with deficit tr to seduce bowling ball living with blithe spirit, because inside hockey player find lice on from ribbon. allotted augment diaphanous orlando anemone grantee toggle

hmmm. much more random but just as odd. here's the last one:

And pee on the dark side of her pickup truck. bodice rippers remain revered. Unlike so many pockets who have made their elusive fairy to us. Indeed, blithe spirit defined by figure out related to mirror. When skyscraper around is wrinkled, inside insurance agent brainwash bodice ripper near fairy. Damion, the friend of Damion and earns frequent flier miles with related to chain saw. chartroom astonish effluvium circumsphere revile

so what on earth is the deal with these things?! "Blithe Spirit" - does that have some sort of significance. with that, I'm off to the Room 710 to see the Rockland Eagles and drink several $1 Lone Stars.

Lance is the Champion, Again!

Yes, I am a huge fan of Lance Armstrong and the Tour de France. I've met him several times thru mutual Plano friends and he was always cool. I knew him a few years before the cancer. I watch the race whenever I can but since I'm usually at work, I get the fast recaps on the Tour website. They post a new note every 2-3 minutes through the first part of the race, but I think it's more like every 30 seconds during the last 5 minutes of a Stage.

This morning I was reading the Stage 17 notes today to a few co-workers and it was like an old radio drama or something. I get excited about things fairly easily at the best of times, but I was really into it today. I felt like I was the announcer at a horse race. people were drifting towards my cubicle and standing around waiting for the next info to come over the web. I was using the time gaps to bring some of them up to snuff on who each rider was and what their records were. I was so excited when Lance told Landis to go that I think I many have shouted. after Lance took the Stage, I went to the cafeteria which is in a different part of the building, and I think I was humming "We are the Champions" the whole way there. when I was in the elevator I had my arms raised in Triumph, and I was smiling ear to ear. I must have stopped to share the good news with 3 different sets of people - they all wanted to know why I was beaming.

it just strikes me as a wonderful example of how small the world has become. I am at a desk in Austin Texas getting real time updates from some one in France about something happening on the other side of the globe, and it is affecting me and the people around me on an emotional level immediately. that is so cool. I have a few friends that think the internet is too impersonal, my pal Matt won't even shop on-line, but I think it opens endless windows. sure I would have found out the details of this Stage of the Tour in tomorrows paper, but how fantastic is it to think that I shared that moment with millions of people all over the globe at the same time? that is amazing. if you told someone in 1945 that that was going to be commonplace, they would've thought you were out of your mind. Viva le Internet! Viva le Lance!

Napoleon Dynamite is AWESOME.

If you haven’t already seen it, you should go check out Napoleon Dynamite immediately. It isn’t the greatest movie on the face of the Earth or anything, but there are so many quotable lines and phrases that you are gonna be left out if you don’t check out this flick. It’s like Sixteen Candles or a geek version of Rushmore. 
 
The screening I went to today was preceded by a Napoleon Dynamite Fan club meeting. They had these bags of goodies with special Napoleon chap-stick, Gatorade for chugging, bandanas and “Vote for Pedro” fliers and buttons and a bunch of other cool stuff. It looks like they are trying to push this into being an audience participation cult classic a’la Rocky Horror. Some of the gags they suggested were dumb, but I actually can see why this movie might turn into just that very thing. I wish I had a 32 piece set and a steak. Eat some ham Tina! 
 
So I have been watching a shit-load of movies lately. I live in hot-ass Texas, I’m poor right now, no car, no boyfriend, my best friend is unemployed, I have almost all of the cable channels (no Showtime or TMC – but just about everything else) and I’m always happy to use someone else’s AC for an afternoon. Austin is also a fantastic place for indi film events and pre-release film screenings with special guest Q&A sessions. We also have a kick ass old school theater house downtown, the Paramount, which shows classic films all summer- every summer. What I’m trying to tell you is – I watch a LOT of movies.
 
One day last week I watched 5 movies in a row. The two I wanna tell you about now are “My Little Eye” and “FearDotCom”. Let’s just say that the order I watched them in SEVERLY affected my final opinion of each film. First I checked out “My Little Eye” which starred Jennifer Sky who we all know was an actress that showed up in several episodes of Xena and had her own show called “Cleopatra 2525” from 2000-2002 (no mater what anyone says). I love her high pitched screams a’la Jamie Lee Curtis so I knew I was in for a class B or C screaming horror flick. The movie was much better that expected and by the end I found myself a little disturbed. I’m a huge reality show fan and I’m on the web all the time trying to find the newest show, so this flick appealed directly to me. I think I would suggest this movie to other people without too much of a disclaimer. This would be an outstanding slumber party horror movie, since most people would not have even heard of it and it does creep you out in the end. I’d give it 2.5 out of 5 stars with the 0.5 for the twist. The movie “FearDotCom” on the other hand, would earn only 1 star since I saw it immediately after “My Little Eye” and oh yeah – it SUCKED!
 
If you have seen “The Ring” or more importantly “The Ringu” there is absolutely no point in seeing “FearDotCom”. It feels like some 20 year old saw a bootleg of “The Ringu” and decided to make an American version with a slightly different medium for bringing people in to the story but it ends with the an identical conclusion. I found myself laughing out loud at some of the dialog and shaking my head at the blatant ripping off of “The Ring”. There were a few scenes that felt like they must have just taken the script from “The Ring” and just changed a few words here and there and then given it to the art director. I’m sorry, but the ‘creepy’ images on the website were kinda dumb – it was only the music that made it seem ominous at all. I almost wish I was writing a book report about themes in this movie because I would rip this flick a new one. Please do NOT waste your time on this movie.

Today's Spam-trailer

yeah, I really don't know what the hell is going on with these freakin' things. they get just a little bit more...interesting every day. one day I'll bust out the real doosies for you, but for the moment here's today's:

If sandwich inside salad dressing reach an understanding with swamp near, then chestnut for nation beams with joy. A few cream puffs, and related to movie theater) to arrive at a state of deficit When toward curse is rhetorical, tuba player living with diskette mourn scythe from. stalactites remain frightened. roller coaster organize trombone inside lover. And go deep sea fishing with the dark side of her pickup truck. thomistic ministry contraband tight parenthesis somebody'll above numeral

nice. sweet and so so nice. it's almost 'schway', but not quite.

Because I got off at the very early 12:10pm, I went to see Spiderman 2 and Napoleon Dynamite today. both films were fun and worth checking out. I can't believe I missed Napoleon Dynamite during SXSW, I would have suggested it to everyone. I have a feeling that I'm gonna end up watching that movie a million times and quoting the hell out of it for years. what a great piece of work. it may not win important awards or anything, but it's a great experience for you and your friends that should not be missed. Christ, they did enough advertising on the indi movie sites that I might have said these nice things without even seeing the flick! seriously, the movie was way cool.

Song lyrics?

I think these Spam-trailers could be made ito some sort of disfunctional thrash music:

dust bunny toward minivan is hypnotic. When oil filter from panics, dolphin about sweeps the floor. fruit cake organize around gonad. Where we can inexorably operate a small fruit stand with our garbage can. doomsday univac susanne dopant egg champaign

now that one is fantastic but check this out:

He called her Megan (or was it Megan?). toothpick over insurance agent meditates, but industrial complex of give a pink slip to for alchemist. Furthermore, jersey cow over takes a coffee break, and bonbon related to make a truce with bride defined by. about fundraiser is impromptu. Megan and I took buzzard behind pickup truck (with reactor of necromancer, toothache inside pig pen. Still seek her from chess board living with cup, assimilate her around bullfrog with for marzipan.
homework can't wreath christ artillery clamorous adelaide

Man, I can hear that one already! maybe this one is more your style:

toothpicks remain revered. Hillary, the friend of Hillary and gets stinking drunk with ball bearing living with. traffic light borrow money from short order cook behind fighter pilot.Any turkey can operate a small fruit stand with about diskette, but it takes a real tape recorder to behind parking lot. But they need to remember how slyly toward necromancer prays.toothaches remain imaginative. adverb quilt snowy angela ardent

can you believe these things? I just know there is not a person that sits down and chooses these words, so what kind of program is putting these together? if you know, please tell me...I really do want to know.

First Thursday

so I took a Mental Health day off of work on Thursday. I slept in, and then caught an early screening of 'Fahrenheit 9/11' which was great. After a lovely lunch at Sarovar, I went to the HEB to get fixin's for the 4th of July luncheon. then I was picked up by Jill and Tami to head down to First Thursday on South Congress, or 'SoCo' as some people call it now. we put some folding chairs and a cooler full of beer in the bed of Tami's truck and proceded to start drinking @ 5:30p.

we were quite a sight I would imagine. at one point there were three chicks sitting in chairs in the truck bed, two more on the folded-down tailgate, and 9 guys on the tarmac all around the back of the truck, and everyone drinking beers. we made a point of asking the cops what was allowed and what would get us a ticket, and they basically just told us to stay out of the traffic and watch out for the rookie cops, as a large class of new cops had just graduated. there were SOOO many cops out that sometimes they walked in groups of 4 or 5. the police helicopter was out and I didn't even realize Austin had a helicopter! we had a fine time just people watching and waving to the masses.

then we went to Room 710 and enjoyed some $1 Lone Stars. the usual crowd was there Seth, Jesse, Chad, and the assorted other players. I love that bar so much. Jill always asks "who's playing?" but what the hell difference does it make? I would go to that bar any night in any clothes in any mood. it's like an extention of my living room - the basement clubhouse I never had. I love you 710!

Friday was a nice slow day at work and we had a TON of food. Saturday morning I slept in and taped my cartoons (thanks for the video tapes Ashley!). My mom was in town for a bandarah so we took her to dinner at Curra's then for slushes at Sonic. we checked out my sister's new house and her photos from the cruise. After dropping off the Mom unit, we returned to my neck of the woods and went thru the new Touchless Car Wash at my Chevron. I picked up some Pabst Blue Ribbon and headed home to play video games and check out some Adult Swim action. my favorite episode of Futurama was on - the one with Space Honey when Leila goes into a coma. tommorrow is the 4th of July...awesome.